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Children

The loathesome small creatures that live in our houses.

I despise children. I really do. I hate the whining little brats and many times when I am in public I wish there were not laws against playing soccer with them. By that, I mean plaing soccer with their bodies, not actually enjoying a game of soccer with them.

Why, you ask, am I so misanthropic when it comes to children?

They are loud.
They do not bathe frequently enough.
They don't listen when you tell them to shut the hell up.
They are, despite what their parents say, ugly as hell.
They don't seem to understand that drooling is NOT a very becoming personality trait.
In some places there are laws against swearing around them. In any event, if you DO swear around them, their parents get all self-righteous and piss me off even more.

These are only SOME of the reasons I hate children. The only reason I would have kids is to pass on my sensitive, caring, feminist genes. There aren't enough NON-stupid people in the world.

In conclusion, there should be laws against taking children under the age of 10 out in public. There should also be laws against children under 10 coming into contact with religion, but that isn't going to happen until all the Christian Nazis like Terry Randall and Pat Robertson have been exiled to the Bikini Atoll. But I've said to much about that already.